Sibling Rivalry Chaos Update
My NEW strategy is to stop rewarding the fighting. They must be getting something out of it or getting a “payoff” if they keep doing it- it must be working for them on some level. Maybe they like the drama? My losing it? One of them ends up getting their way and they are willing to take the chance?
My NEW improved way of reacting - is to not react at all. Ignore it. BUT reward the positive behavior- like I like how you are sharing… thank you for giving B. a turn or do something fun with the other kids you is not on PC.
I am also trying to honour their need to have own space and time with me and DH.
So far it has been okay- will take some time to permeate and me to get used to it.. Was a bad habit to get engaged with them and react to screaming and fighting. Will keep you posted.
Thanks for all the suggestion- the cabin fever consept really rang true!
Conceptually, I like the concept of punishing both kids whenever they drag you into one of their arguments. Mine are 4 and 2 and the 4-year-old recently informed me that the 2-year-old was hitting her and needed time out and I put them both in time-out. Was she ever surprised!
Also, when they fight over toys, we do “count to 10″ where after one child counts to 10 it is her turn to play with the toy and the other child can then count to 10 to get the toy back. With older kids this may translate to counting to 100 or setting a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and taking turns this way.
Not sure about this idea- actually- I am sure- you punish both kids??? If you come in late for work does your whole department have to stay late?
I think looking at why they are acting out rather than punishing is the way to go. “Drag” you into one of their arguments? They are 2 and 4 years old! Your kids have to drag you into their lives? Why are they arguing? Are they hungry? Are they bored? Have you been doing housework all morning and they need some attn? Most time when kids behave out of the norm their is a component that is off… Hunger, thirst, boredom, tiredness or needing some one on one. Sure fire way to get my son to start throwing stuff at TV is to sit and watch a movie he has no interest in. Try examine the WHY instead of punishing the symptom… This will make you a better parent/person.. rather than punishing everything ( or anything for that matter) . Punishing doesn’t work- just gives you unpredictable behaviour . Maybe it makes parent feel better though.